A Politician, A Slave, and Slave Owner walk into a bar

It's only fair to share...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr
Courtesy of SP-STUDIO.DE
A Politician, A Slave, and A Slave Owner walk into a bar (Images Courtesy of SP-STUDIO.DE Character creator)

      Just hours after word rang out that slavery was abolished, a politician, a newly freed slave, and slave owner walk to a bar to toast to the end of the war and beginning of a new era.

(images courtesy of sp-studio.de)
(images courtesy of sp-studio.de)

America, You can’t tell me there’s a greater place on God’s green earth, the politician exclaims.

Got dammit Lady Liberty kicks ass.  Don’t she?

God Bless America.


The newly freed slave screams.

I have this hope that in the near not-so-far-future that America is going to be pretty plush for SLAVES! I mean. NIGGERS!. I mean. Three-Fifths Americans! Hmmm, he whispered to himself, exactly…what…are…we?


Rats! This country ain’t beautiful.  Not no more.  The good days are gone!

My expenses…going up! My taxes…going up! But my farm yield is going down like a brick in’uh bath tub on account of these got damn Slaves, I mean, N!ggers, I mean, Tar babies…ARGH! Whatever you people wanna be called. Singing and dancing in my face.  All while you yankees laugh it up at my expense.

Finally the politician, “slave”, and slave owner arrive at the bar.

J.C., The Bar Owner (images courtesy of sp-stuidos.de)

Two dollar entrance fee guys, says J.C., the bouncer, bartender, waiter, and owner.

Jimmmy! Wassup bro! I love this bar. Some of my best stump speeches were right here. We’re working on that small business grant in the nation’s captial. So J.C., Dont’chu worry. That money faucet will be pouring soon.

J.C. lets the politician in “free” of charge. The slave owner pays. He gets to the newly freed slave and says, Two Dollars!

Hmmmm. I don’t have any money yet. My master, i mean, owner, i mean, employer doesn’t pay me until the end of the month.




J.C., The Bar Owner (images courtesy of sp-stuidos.de)

No money. No get in. J.C. replies




(images of courtesy of sp-studio.de)




Maybe America ain’t so bad after all, the Slave owner chuckled

(images courtesy of sp-studio.de)The politician whispers to the slave owner. I’m short on cash, how about you lend an old pal a few bucks. I will not forget when the boys in Washington are working on that land grant bill you confederate boys are yapping about.

The slave owner hands the politician some cash.

Problem solved guys, says the politician, he pays the “slave’s” entry into the bar.

They walk in the bar ALL eyes fixed on the assortment of conflicting interests. Many proud. Proud that this showing of togetherness was possible only in the U.S. of A.

What can i get you fellas, J.C. asks

The politician says, I’ll have a Sam Adams my friend

The slave says, i’ll have what he’s having.

Do you have $5, J.C. responds


Of course NOT! I just told you at the door that I am not paid until the month’s end. I assumed you would extend me the credit necessary to patronize your establishment like a fellow countryman and Christian would. If not, why would you let me in? To embarrass me? But what devilish joy could you possibly get from that?

The admirable eyes that were on them transformed to discomfort. They never heard such fire before.  It was as if true grit was breathed into existence at that moment but unlike the rest of God’s creation….it was NOT good.

Standing his ground, J.C.  said, well if you can’t afford it then I can’t give it to you.

The slave owner chuckles and says man this country is getting better and better by the minute! I’ll take a Budweiser.

(images of courtesy of sp-studio.de)
(images of courtesy of sp-studio.de)

The politician whispers to the slave owner, how about donating $10 to my campaign fund.

Come on Senator, you’re messing up my fun.

Two words….LAND GRANT!

Begrudgingly reaching in his purse he hands the politician $10.

I gotcha buddy. Stutffing $5 in J.C.’s shirt pocket the Senator says, Consider this an economic stimulus package.

The bar owner gives them beers and walks away. None to happy about it.

The union rest on your shoulders guys, the senator continued. So let’s hug it out. Bring it in b!tches!

sp-studio-alert-happinessAmerica is great. However, my wages are extremely low. I cannot afford to live within 50 miles of work and put food on the table for my family.

Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! Next he’ll be asking the government for free food, the slave owner pounded the table. Senator, you didn’t free the slaves.  You took them!

Now now now. Let’s calm down, sit down, and eat now (with a roaring laugh form his belly). Because your Senator could eat a horse.


They walk toward a table and notice J.C. hoisting a banner with curious writing on it. They look close and it reads “Whites Only” and underneath it a signature reading “~ Jim Crow ~”.

J.C. says, I’m sorry guys but too many SLAVES, i mean N!GGERS, i mean Monkeys, i mean whatever you people are you’re bad for business!

The slave says, but i’m the only one!

BUT NEXT TIME you’ll bring your friends. And they’ll bring their friends. Soon this place will be swarming with folks that can’t afford a beer.

So us business owners passed a law giving all private businesses the right to grant or deny service to anyone they wish.

(images of courtesy of sp-studio.de)
(images of courtesy of sp-studio.de)

The slave owner exclaims, Lady Liberty is Back!  WOOO WHOOO!!!  God Bless America and nobody else.

Senator can you believe this, the slave asked. They have to know that this cannot stand in the land of the free.  Aint that right, Senator?

Well Slave, I mean Nigger, I mean Negro…uggh you know what I mean.

Yes, no worries, It’s difficult for me too.

My friend we absolutely can solve this tragic miscarriage of justice.


As we speak my mind is churning out a legislative draft to end this Jim Crow foolishness.

Right on!

As we speak my mind is contacting all the power players that will stand behind us.


All we need is money to fund the campaign.

MONEY! Neither I nor my friends have any money! What happened to all that talk about democracy and this being the greatest country on earth?

Jim Crow passed this law through democracy.  Democratically a majority agreed!  But there is only one thing that beats democracy — ECONOMY.

images courtesy of Sp-Studio.de
images courtesy of Sp-Studio.de

So as soon as your friends can put some money in the hands of my friends then we can make this HAPPEN.