- By JessInTheMoment
- 15 December, 2012
- 7 Comments
COMMITMENT is waste of your time!
(if and only if you are single, and you want to be married…)
by commitment, i mean dating one person exclusively…thereby shutting yourself off from all other prospects.
i know we are accustomed to a certain relationship pattern…
- you meet somebody
- you spend alotta time with that person
- you get into a relationship
- monogamy is the expectation, but cheating is not out of the ordinary
- you may or may not get married…but odds are, you prolly won’t
when the relationship ends (which they ALL will, until you get married), one or both parties often laments, What about all the TIME i put in…ALLLLLL theeeeeese yeeeeears i invested, etc, etc, etc…. the time wasted is almost as tragic as the hurt feelings. and if the break up comes after a number of years, i’m talkin 2, 3, fifty-leven years, the time wasted often trumps the hurt feelings.
*singing* “eee-leven years, i sacrificed…and you can leave me at the drop of a dime…swallowed my fears, stood by your side…i shoulda left yo ass a thousand times!” (ya’ll remember that song, don’t cha?)
so what’s the alternative to commitment?
i’ll tell ya.
mutual sexual exclusivity with the person you care about, while still meeting, dating, and spending time with other people.
i know this might sound radical, but when i think about it, many of my friends (men AND women) in relationships are doing exactly that (quiet as it’s kept lol). they are still meeting people, getting numbers, going out on dates… “i’m bout to have a drink wit my frieeeend….” mm hmm …chile please, that ain’t nunna yo friend lol.
but really, if you know you want to get married one day, should you really trust someone that you met 6 months, 1 year, 2 years ago, to not waste your precious time? should you really stop yourself from meeting people, flirting, making connections, having fun? i say hellllllllll naw.
i know some people might read this and think, When i’m really into somebody, i don’t *want* to date anybody else. i feel the same way, actually. but i also know the pain of a break up, too. i know the pain of giving all my attention to a situation that ultimately did not end in marriage. and i lived. and i learned.
i learned that one of the best ways to get over a break up is to date somebody else. it helps you remember that you still have the capacity to care for another person. and there are other people out there in the world that will and do care about you. and if you never stop dating other people, you don’t have to sit at home, bored, feeling sad and lonely. u can simply keep your life moving and let time heal that wound.
i also learned to put myself first and not stop my show unless i know that the man wants the same thing i do. love. marriage. kids. the whole sha-bang. and how will i know for sure? when he asks for my hand in marriage, of course! that’s the only way you can know for certain. and that’s when i’ll stop dating.
don’t allow somebody to put you “on hold” until they figure out what they wanna do. cuz at the end of the day, you only have one life to live. nobody owes you anything, even if you invest 20 years into a relationship. if you don’t get what you want, you only have yourself to blame. in the meantime in between time…get out there, flirt your ass off, and enjoy yourself! that’s what i’ll be doin! :)
but what about you? are you unmarried and in a monogamous relationship? if it doesn’t work out, are you ok with the idea that you may have been wasting your time? are you comfortable with the idea of dating and having fun with several people at one time, while being emotionally and/or sexually attached to one? are you comfortable with your boo doing the same thing? why or why not?