Polite Conversation – What’s so special about natural hair girls?
- By PavarottiShakur
- 6 January, 2013
- 4 Comments
wayne
my girlfriend thinks i have a thing for natural haired women? it’s hard to refute because i have a trail of all-nat-cher-rails behind me. we have all-natural friends that are NOT deep pro-black herbalist medicine women. so why the attraction? then it struck me. it’s not the natural. it’s the rebellion that i like.so what’s all the hoopla surrounding natural hair women lately. everybody in the d.c. maryland and virginia area wants to trade in their weave for corn rolls. what’s up with that?
are we suddenly more attracted to natural hair women than women with weave?
Polite Conversationalist
**alias’ have been created to encourage openess**
| alias | perspective |
| wayne | black man |
| michelle | black woman |
| lisa | black woman |
| ronnie | black man |
| tommy | black man |
michelle
okay. so as a woman who received a perm at the age of 8 and a weave at the age of 21, i am one of those people who think, what’s the big deal with going natural. when i was in college all of my friends went natural, leaving me to think that i was some sort of self-loathing shallow oreo. as i get to be more comfortable with myself though, i think i am just as deep and self-loving as a girl with a fro. i just prefer straight hair to the natural tresses. what do you think?
ronnie
it’s just something that i love about being able to run my fingers through my woman’s hair. don’t get me wrong i’m not judgmental of women that do wear weave, and my woman actually wears weave (by choice) from time to time because her long natural requires alot of work. there’s just things about weave that i don’t like especially the methods that include using glue instead of thread.
michelle
i understand that but you can run your fingers through a weave. but what did you mean by, she wears weaves “by choice”. isn’t the decision to do your hair anyway “by choice”?
ronnie
she has long hair, but wears weaves to preserve and be able to get up in the morning and just go versus the work that it takes to unwrap her hair. sn – i misread the intro……..natural vs. processed. so in a sense she’s still processed and not “natural” i got it now, lol
wayne
wow….a revelation just hit this here black man — you can have a weave and still be natural.
lisa
it is indeed a revelation wayne…being natural is about the state of your hair not the state of the weave lol
wayne
hold up. why would you use glue or thread? #GrewUpInHouseFullofMen
tommy
lol at wayne hahahahaha
ronnie
wayne, my man, glue is an old technique (and usually cheaper) and causes more problems to hair growth than sewing a weave in with thread; we don’t usually prefer that method as men anyway, lol
side note – i grew up with a couple sisters and dated all types.
wayne
isn’t glue in your hair the worst nightmare of anybody in grades k-12.
ronnie
as far as i know wayne, yes it is
michelle
wayne, it’s not that kind of glue.
wayne
yes it is.
michelle
lol
tommy
for me i have always respected and been attracted to the maintenance of a black woman and her real hair. i think its more valuable and honest. versus the weave route where it also looks gud and im not knockin anyone for going that route, but its not the real deal. if u bald headed i want to kno ur bald head so i can evaluate if your worth my attention in ur baldheadedness state lol n yes i just made that word up lol
ronnie
michelle i totally agree with your experience and perception and i think many females that choose to go natural do it for different reasons i.e. liberation, boredom, someone they’ve seen in the media or entertainment industry but something i’ve noticed is that many of the women that do go natural have a certain strength, or high esteem of themselves, i guess because in our society it is risky.
tommy
i think to a certain extent everything is controlled by trends.
ronnie
good point tommy, i agree with that and i’m not all the way opposed to it. ex. cassie
tommy
the whole cassie thing is crazy to me lol. it does look gud on sum women, but others need to chill lol. but its like ronnie said female a vs female b. i used to dislike any woman with the freshcut look lol not the woman herself but the look. then i seen a beautiful woman with it and it changed my perspective. i still dont prefer it but there are some exceptions lol it really comes down to do what ever works for you. i would love for my lady to have her hair so long it goes down to the small of her back. but how ronnie explained maintenance is critical to how a woman decides the length and style of her hair lol im still workin on it though lol
michelle
haha but having hair all the way down to her butt is not natural, unless of course she isn’t black. the idea of weaves comes from the desire to have hair all the way down to your butt, which most black women cannot achieve without the help of extensions.
lisa
michelle… while i would agree that having long hair “down to her butt” is not common for black women, but what makes it not natural for black women?
michelle
well the kinkiness of black hair will simply not allow the hair to grow but so long (at least that’s what i read). now the exceptions to this are those black people that are of an apparent mixed ancestry. although this may sound ignorant, i have yet to meet an african woman with really long hair, unless they have dreads.
lisa
from what i have read it is not the kinkiness that doesn’t allow the hair to grow, but the inability to take care of it when it is in that state. there is a science to our hair that it actually takes time to learn. our hair can grow, but it needs to be cared for a certain way. i see black women (both natural and permed) with really long hair, because they knew their hair and how to properly care for it.
lisa
to speak to what michelle was saying it is uncommon for us to see black women with hair down their backs! i think that that is apart of the motivation for natural women. if you tell me a chemical is stunting the growth of my hair and i want long hair, of course the “natural” response :) is for me to stop using that chemical. i think a lot of black women who go natural want to see the growth potential of their unprocessed hair.
tommy
so as a new father, how does a woman learn her hair?
ronnie
what are we considering long though? down to the butt, to the mid-back?
wayne
ronnie, i’ll settle for a bob at the top of the neck.
tommy
mid back is long to me
lisa
i am natural. meaning i don’t use perms. but i straighten my natural hair when i want it straight and at one point in time i even wore a weave…did that make me unnatural. absolutely not in my opinion. my motivation had nothing to do with self love or getting back to my roots, so to speak, it had everything to do with me wanting healthy hair and being able to make my own decision about what i wanted to do with my hair. before then the decision was made by my mother who deemed my hair “unmanageable” and decided to give me a perm. i wanted to make a decision to grow my hair out of the state that my mother had created and make my own choice.
michelle
i really appreciate your response lisa and i think it is interesting to note that natural hair doesn’t mean “nappy”. a lot of natural girls do wear their hair straight.
ronnie
ok cool, so my response of straight is still considered natural.
lisa
i think women are making decisions about their hair whether they want it to be “natural” or processed. i think the bigger question is what motivates these changes. i think that if the changes are self motivated, that is good. however, if they are motivated by trends or other external factors then that is the real issue.
ronnie
exactly lisa, that’s what i think. some women are going natural for the sake of a trend and some have other reasons. i personally find attraction in natural females and females with perms but the actual hairstyle in terms of preference is dependent upon the person, for example “natural” on female a may not be as appealing as “natural” on female b but that’s just my opinion.
lisa
for me it all boils down to being honest with yourself about what you want. a woman should be honest and wear her hair as she pleases, whether that is natural, permed, weaved, or a combination of all three (side eye). and a man should be honest about what he likes. if a weaved woman or a natural woman is not your forte’ , then roll on. but don’t expect a woman to wear her hair a certain way because of what you like. in the same vein, a woman should not try to keep you by changing her hair to fit a man’s wants. it’s her decision. one of the craziest things i have heard relationship wise from women is that they make certain decisions about their hair based on what a man wants…. not even.
ronnie
i agree lisa, but thats where it all gets twisted because we do many things for the attraction of our partners. i personally don’t mind growing my beard full because my lady might like it that way or shaving it down sometimes because i know she likes it a certain way, and i do appreciate if she “sometimes” wears certain hairstyles that she knows i may like more than others but i may be a little biased because i like more than one type of style so if it fits i’m ok with it but i’m not going to leave her or anything like that because she wears her hair a certain way. i’m going bald eventually and i would be hurt if my lady left me because of that or if it influenced it.
lisa
i want to be clear i don’t mind if my man appreciates my hair a certain way. after i have introduced the idea. it’s when a style is dictated, that’s not hot. also i was speaking to the fact that a number of women i know have said “i can’t cut my hair because “such and such” won’t let me”….
ronnie
ok lisa cool, i’ve heard that myself recently actually. i do think that’s crazy
tommy
i dont think thats crazy, i think to each there own lol. i honestly cant tell my woman how to wear her hair because at the end of the day its her head. and she just wont allow me to dictate a damn thing anyway lol which is a very attractive part of her personality to me.
ronnie
is this the lisa i met at bccc in intro to college life?
lisa
ronnie…i don’t think we’ve met before, but nice to be in conversation with you.
ronnie
likewise, nice to meet you
lisa
it has been real people i have enjoyed the convo, but i have to excuse myself. peace and blessings to all involved.
wayne
question to all: when your woman first goes natural, she’s gonna have a brief period of ugly. how would you react to this? be real ninjas!
lisa
ok i had to step back in for this one… “brief period of ugly” wayne?
tommy
ohhhhh snap u done done it now wayne lol
tommy
a brief period of ugly? lol i mean it is wat it is. if thats what she decides i cant fault her for it.
ronnie
in all honesty i may not like it but i’m smart enough to keep certain things to myself. lol
tommy
ronnie #amen lol
michelle
i don’t think every woman goes through the ugly transition with natural hair. women get braids, get their hair blown out and pressed and get twists to compensate for the transition. also there is always the big chop which is cutting it all off and starting from scratch. i know a lot of women who do that. and i think that woman is extremely brave.
ronnie
i definitely wouldn’t use that wording but i used to wear braids/cornrows so i know what he means “that state wear its unmanageable”
tommy
ohhhhhh that early no hang time state lol yeah thats when you tell your girl “its ok baby, i still love you, itll grow back” lol
lisa
lol at this “ohhhhhh that early no hang time state lol yeah thats when you tell your girl “its ok baby, i still love you, itll grow back”
thanks michelle! ok folks, i’m really gone now.
lisa
first of all i hope all of you fellas would react to this by telling her she is beautiful and supporting her decision and not give a look that drives her into the perpetual prison that is the inability to make decisions irrespective of anyone’s personal beliefs…even your man.
ronnie
of course we are lisa………….i hope!!!!
michelle
amen lisa! my best friend was never ugly when she went through the natural hair transition!
tommy
female a vs female b
it aint for everybody
wayne
period of ugly – you know that point in time when you lay your head back against the car seat and your afro turns into a polygon. but seriously, i totally support healthy hair. but many natural women told me it was a struggle for that first year.
ronnie
wayne i had many days like that. i’m sure the ladies have :)
wayne
last question to all: do you think the larger white world accepts natural hair women? and should we change according to another race’s taste?
michelle
it has been my experience that white people (the ones i deal with) like my hair no matter what it looks like. i have gotten comments such as “i wish i could do all those things with my hair” to “your hair is so awesome”. i have been out with lisa when she has worn a big angela davis afro and she go more compliments from whites than she did form blacks. now i think mainstream media tends to be a little afraid of “unruly” natural hair. but you will often times find biracial fros or twists on television. what i mean by biracial fro is the type of very curly natural hair that somewhat looks processed.
ronnie
by opinion only i don’t think the larger white world has accepted natural hair women ( not fully at least ). i personally don’t think we should change according to another races taste, but i’ll ask this question in my response. does acceptance to the larger white world have some to do with why black women started wearing perms in earlier years?
tommy
i think in essence we all want be to accepted by everyone. not just mainstream or white ppl or black. it also goes into your environment. i think white america thinks the onli hairstyle black ppl can have is that curly ass highschool musical bush lol its in 80% of the ads or posters of black ppl i see. especially mcdonalds lol
michelle
i don’t think black people have ever done anything to their hair to “be accepted by” white people. but, i do think perms and processes started to look like white people; although, i think that was a very subconcious thought. i think hair has always been an illustration of fashion or what’s en vogue. white people have altered their hair also for a very long time–ie. thomas jefferson & co. and also queen elizabeth (of the 1500′s). although black people do deal with the psychological ramifications of slavery and oppression, i think they are like any other race of people who have altered or not altered a part of themselves to fit their beliefs or fashion.
wayne
as tupac said this is a white man’s world. meaning you have to play by the general tastes and rules set by white people.
you can have natural hair but if the white male that signs your check and pays your rent doesn’t like it. you are highly likely to get rid of it.
ronnie
thats a good point wayne, i personally don’t agree with having to shave my facial hair off for a job when i’m in the barbershop every week getting lined up
wayne
ronnie, there’s a very funny book along the lines of this topic. it’s called black no more. it was by a writer that kinda hated w.e.b dubois, madam cj walker, and marcus garvey. it was written when those historical figures that we praise were alive.
ronnie
ok cool, i’ll head over to amazon
polite conversation ending:
wayne
i appreciate your participation. let’s hold e-hands and sing “i am not my hair.” (c | india arie or erykah badu or one’of’dem rough haired neo-soul women)
Copyright © 2013
Wow. . .I'm almost as speechless as the white elephant sitting in the middle of this polite conversation.
what “white elephant” issue do you feel was overlooked in the convo?
The fact that there is no mention of the hundreds of years of ridicule of our natural hair -by others as well as our mothers- and the ptsd psychoses it has caused…generations worth. Sistas wearing their hair natural is a political issue whether we like it or not because of the history of abuse regarding it; because of the degradation our mothers and grandmothers have gone through concerning it. In light of these unpleasant facts, I don't see how any conversation regarding black women who choose to wear their hair naturally can commence without at least prefacing the climate which even makes it an issue of conversation to begin with. On the other hand, I do realize that, being in my late 40's, I am in a generation that still remembers, or is at least aware of that context. Brothas and sistas born from the mid-70's on, grew up in a pseudo-assimilation culture that gives a false appearance of a mixed-bag sort of society where we can pick and choose. But a people who are the descendants of people who for hundreds of years were made to feel ugly because their hair was not hanging limp as a white woman will never be able to call this a fashion 'choice' until they first deal with the psychoses that are inherent from close to 30 generations of systematic abuse. I do understand that this is a subject that most of our people would prefer to avoid and deny, but denial doesn't change the facts and the hairstory of our folk under colonization – hence, the white elephant that is ever in the middle of such conversations.
Natural hair is good for anyone and those girls who have natural hair look stunning wearing different colors and the latest styles.